Friday, May 28, 2010

New Movie Friday!

I am declaring, with no legitimate research to back me up, that this is the worst crop of Memorial Day movies the Modern Era (post 1983) has ever seen. Just further proof that 2010 sucks.

Wide Release
"Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" - Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley
Based on the video game series of the same name, Gyllenhaal plays a prince in Persia (shocking, I know) who wields a dagger that allows him to control time. He has to save the kingdom or something. Strike one: "based on a video game." Never a good sign. Strike two: Gyllenhaal looks freaking ridiculous. The first time I saw the trailer I turned to my video game nerd buddy and asked, "Is this supposed to be serious or not?" The main reason being, Jake Gyllenhaal looks absurd. Maybe it's supposed to be a bit tongue in cheek and ridiculous. But I just can't get there. This has "Late Night Netflix Instant Queue" written all over it.
Rated: Gob

"Sex in the City 2" - Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin David, Kim Cattrall
Blah blah blah blah. If there is a plot or point to this thing I'm not interested enough to look for it. I assume it will be about idiotic fashion, sex, and loose morals. Enjoy girls night out, ladies. Oh, by the way, this is getting DESTROYED by critics.
Rated: Travolta

"Survival of the Dead" - Kenneth Walsh, Alan Van Sprang
George A. Romero's latest journey into zombie land, this one about a group of soldiers who take refuge from the zombies only to find themselves caught between two warring families. I'm not into horror stuff though I respect Romero. My real question for this film is how well it will perform in a post-"Zombieland" industry. "Zombieland" potentially changed the landscape for these films and I'm interested to see how that shift from traditional zombie fare will affect this.
Rated: C3-PO

Rating Definitions:
Bauer - So packed with awesome I'll probably be there opening day.
Ludacris - I'm excited to see it but also concerned about some red flags, like anytime a rapper is in the cast.
Vote for Pedro - I'll put off seeing it and hope I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Wahlberg - I'll pick up the DVD and for some reason enjoy it.
Gob Bluth - The phrase, "I've made a huge mistake" is likely to be uttered if and when I do see it.
C3-PO - The odds of me seeing it are similar to the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field.
Travolta - No way, no how will I willingly see this; similar to the odds John Travolta has of ever winning an Oscar.

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