In Home Viewings: "Real Steel"

Set in the not-so-distant future, Real Steal brings us into a reality in which human boxing has been replaced by bouts between Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robots on steroids. (This appears to be the only difference between our current society and the one portrayed in the film.) Charlie Kenton, a former boxing champ, makes a quasi-living taking a robot from town to town, engaging in low-rent and sometimes illegal fights for whatever cash he can get his hands on. Needless to say, he also owes some bad people some serious money. Just as he runs out of money and useable robots, he finds out that the mother of his illegitimate child, Max (Dakota Goyo), has died and he is forced to take Max out on the road with him for the summer. After breaking into a robot parts center, Charlie and Max stumble across an aging robot buried in the ground, a machine that Max takes a liking to. As the robot, named Adam, proves to be more important than originally thought, Charlie allows Max to enroll Adam in various underground fights, a path that ultimately leads to the major fighting circuit and a chance at the prize fight that Charlie never got.

On my personal list of 2011’s biggest surprises, Real Steel reaching a high level of profitability would rank fairly high. I thought, along with just about everyone else, that this movie was headed to “disaster” status, especially considering its $110 million budget. Instead, it stayed atop the domestic box office for two weeks and then managed to bring home a huge chunk of cash overseas. Even more surprising, Real Steel found some actual praise from noteworthy critics, earning enough good press that I had to switch move it from “Don’t See” to “Rent” on my upcoming movie spreadsheet (yes, I have an upcoming movie spreadsheet; stop laughing). When I finally did get a chance to check this movie out, I was actually somewhat excited about the prospect of taking it in, a sentiment I did not expect. In hindsight, I probably should have stuck to my original thoughts.

More than anything else, Real Steel is a prime example of how one misstep in the filmmaking process can bring the whole thing crashing down. In truth, most of the elements at play in this movie are good-enough for a family action flick, if not downright solid. The plot is shallow but also light and breezy, the type of narrative that certainly isn’t inspired but does a serviceable job of staying away from embarrassing or irritating. (For the record, I feel that’s all you can ask of a film like this.) Jackman is believable in his role and you get the sense that he enjoyed making this movie, a “plus” that should never be overlooked. The supporting actors around Jackman, including Anthony Mackie (The Adjustment Bureau) and Evangeline Lilly (Lost), do an admirable job of holding up their end of the bargain and even the marginal background actors are fine in most cases. And the action sequences are fun and lively, providing an illustration of how to use CGI effectively in this sort of movie. Real Steel doesn’t suck you in or create an investment the way a normal sports movie does but the action is rapid fire and enjoyable.

You would think that would make for a pretty good movie overall. But you would be wrong. Because no matter how entertaining the fights are, how enjoyable Jackman is, and how easy the plot moves, the combination cannot overcome the head-meets-wall pain brought on by Goyo. I really, really, REALLY try hard not to bag on child actors on the grounds of, “it’s not his/her fault.” They’re just kids, after all, and it’s unfair to expect greatness from a kid. This is, however, a special case. I wish the best for Goyo; I hope he gets better and I hope he has a long and glorious career. But as of right now, this kid is TERRIBLE. His deliberate and overdone mannerisms and disposition are painful and with every word he spoke, I became more and more aware of the tiny gremlin that was stabbing me in the ear with an appropriately-sized trident. Even worse (and unfortunately unforgivable in my book), Goyo bears a strong resemblance, both in appearance and in general acting style, to Jake Lloyd, the poor unfortunate soul whom George Lucas picked to play Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace. (Also known as, “The Worst Child Actor Ever in the History of the Cinema Including Any and All Cinematic Endeavors That Take Place on Hereto Now Unknown Planets.”) Every time I looked at the screen I experienced a Vietnam-esque flashback to the most painful experience of my movie going life. The desire to cry and then punch the poor kid grew each time he uttered an excruciating sentence and his presence made the final product nearly unbearable for me. His casting is a giant screw-up that, at least for this Star Wars junkie, overshadowed everything else Real Steel had to offer and left a bad taste in my mouth when it was all said and done.

The Week That Was and the Week That Will Be - 2/20

This week is a big one in the movie world because it is, of course, Oscar week. I'll be publishing a couple of reviews, like always (Safe House should be up tomorrow) in addition to a ranking of the last 20 Best Picture winners. Then on Friday, I believe I'll do the obligatory Oscar prediction piece that every movie writer must put together. So be on the lookout.

Also, please forgive the lack of updates in the layout. I'm working on something big for the site that I hope to launch next month and it's taking up most of my non-writing free time. Thanks for your patience!

Check out all of the week's most important movie news in the Weekly Digest. 

Weekend Box Office Results

This weekend I gave in and handed over my money to George Lucas (*head hung in slight shame*) and bought into Safe House twice. Twice, you say? Yes, twice. With the wife out of town for the weekend, I assembled a crack team of six manly men to see Safe House at our local theater. I expected that, since it was in its second week of release, we’d have no problems showing up 10 minutes before start time and finding seats for our group. When we walked into the theater, I don’t think there were six seats in the entire room, let alone together. So we ended up getting refunds and heading to another theater for a later showing. I tell you that to tell you this: I don’t think anyone could have anticipated Safe House retaining 60% of its overall take from the previous week and jumping up to the top spot. Seeing as this week brought with a couple of relatively high profile new releases and the fact that the movie received lackluster reviews overall, I would have bet good money on Safe House ending up between third and fifth place at the end of the weekend. So, good for Denzel, I guess.

1. Safe House - $24M ($78.3M)

2. The Vow - $23.6M ($85.52M)

3. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - $22M

4. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - $20.08M ($53.2M)

5. This Means War - $17.55M

6. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace - $7.86M ($33.73M)

7. Chronicle - $7.5M ($50.97M)

8. The Woman in Black - $6.64M ($45.25M)

9. The Secret World of Arrietty - $6.4M

10. The Grey - $3.03M ($47.92M)

New to DVD

What I’ll Be Renting This Week

Mary Marcy May Marlene (2011) - Elizabeth Olsen, Sarah Paulson, John Hawkes

The Way (2010) - Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez

Puss in Boots (2011) - Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Zach Galifianakis

I’m giving you a three pack here that could really turn into a four pack when it’s all said and done. (I’m sure I’ll end up watching J. Edgar at some point in the near future.) I recently renewed my “Half Price for a Month” deal at my local video store and I had this week in mind when I made the call. Mary Marcy May Marlene took up residence on numerous top ten lists from people I trust but I never got a chance to see it in theaters. I’m very much looking forward to checking out this career-making performance by Olsen that everyone has been talking about. The Way has the feel of a film that I’ll see because I think I should see it and will wind up disliking it. But the premise (a father takes a pilgrimage to overcome the loss of his son) sounds appealing enough. And after I watch those two potentially very heavy films, I’m going to need to lighten the mood, which is what Dreamworks animation is best at. Puss in Boots didn’t interest me enough to see it during its theatrical run but I’ll make time for it in an In Home Vieiwng.

What I’ve Seen So You Don’t Have To

Tower Heist (2011) - Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Matthew Broderick

I probably shouldn’t put Tower Heist in this category because some critics and viewers I usually agree with really enjoyed it. But for me, it falls flat on almost every level. I didn’t laugh much, Murphy didn’t grab my attention the way I wanted him to, and the execution was porous. So, basically, it’s your typical Brett Ratner film. Not a complete waste of time but close enough.

Also New

J. Edgar (2011) - Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Naomi Watts

Mighty Macs (2011) - Carla Gugino, David Boreanaz, Marley Shelton

The Son of No One (2011) - Channing Tatum, Al Pacino, Juliette Binoche

Retreat (2011) - Cillian Murphy, Thandie Newton, Jamie Bell

London Boulevard (2010) - Colin Farrell, Keira Knightley, Ray Winstone

Nurse Jackie: Season 3 (2011) - Edie Falco, Eve Best

Weeds: Season 7 (2011) - Mary Louise Parker, Hunter Parrish, Kevin Nealon

New to Blu

Unforgiven (1992) - Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman

Honey (2003) - Jessica Alba, Mekhi Phifer

Fort Apache (1948) - John Wayne, Henry Fonda, Shirley Temple

Coming to a Theater Near You

Last week I predicted Ghost Rider 2 would pull in a dismal 22% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. If you are involved with that film, you’re wishing right now that I had been correct. Critics hated this film even more than I thought they would and it wound up with a 15% score at the time of this writing. OUCH. Also falling far below expectations was This Means War (52% prediction vs. 24% actual), which was surprisingly and almost unanimously despised. Meanwhile, The Secret World of Arrietty held strong at 93%, making it one of the highest rated films of the year so far.

This week is…uh… Well, this week is a total mail-in for Hollywood. With the Oscars on Sunday, the thought is that if you’re going to see a movie this weekend, you’re probably going to try to get take in a nominated film that you somehow missed. With that in mind, I give you a very brief look at the total crap we’re being offered this time around.

Wanderlust - Jennifer Aniston, Paul Rudd, Malin Ackerman

An over-worked couple takes refuge within a commune of hippies and learns some valuable things about themselves. The more I learn about this film, the less I like it. Aniston and Rudd seems like a decent-enough pairing but every trailer, every news blurb, every leaked detail leaves me more and more convinced that this is going to be terrible. Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Rotten, 20%

Good Deeds - Tyler Perry, Gabrielle Union, Thandie Newton

A businessman’s life is turned upside down when he befriends a single mom who works nights in his building. Tyler Perry. That’s all I have to say, right? Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Rotten, 34%

Gone - Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer Carpenter, Wes Bentley

Two years after escaping from her kidnapper, a young girl’s attacker returns to abduct her sister, leading to a frantic search with no aid from the police. I like Seyfried just fine but I don’t see her taking to this role with much flair. Also, Gone looks like the type of movie Ashley Judd would have been in during her heyday and I hated all of those movies. Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Rotten, 38%

Act of Valor - Nestor Serrano, Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez

A group of real-life, active-duty Navy SEALs star in an action-packed thrill ride centering on a rescue mission to save a CIA operative. I think the idea of having active SEALs showing off their skills and expertise is a good one; I also think the final result will not be good. Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Rotten, 40%

Movie News Weekly Digest

FEATURES
Anomalous Material gives us some unique choices in the top 10 most romantic movies ever.

Buzzfeed has chronicled every sentence Bart Simpson has ever had to copy on the blackboard.

The Film Society Lincoln Center has a one hour conversation with Gary Oldman up on their blog.

NEW PROJECTS, PICK-UPS, AND DETAILS

Not only will Michael Bay helm the next Transformers film, it will be a reboot! (Head meets wall.)

Michael Mann will direct The Big Stone Grid which follows two hardened cops.

Steven Spielberg has confirmed that Peter Jackson will direct the Tintin sequel.

Andrew Stanton has plans for a series of John Carter sequels. Not sure he's going to have to worry about that...

NBC has ordered a 13 episode run of Hannibal based on the characters from Thomas Harris' series of books and the subsequent movies.

Jonathan Liebesman (Battle: Los Angeles) is in talks to direct a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

Peter Berg says the Friday Night Lights movie script is near completion.

A sequel to I Am Legend has been pieced together, though it remains to be seen if Will Smith will join the production.

Disney will adapt another Michael Lewis sports-related book into a film with Coach: Lessons on the Game of Life.

Josh Trank isn't sure about whether or not he'll do a Chronicle sequel.

The writer of the next X-Men film says it will focus on the development of Magneto. 

CASTING
Tom Hiddleston and Anna Paquin have signed on for Black Wings Has My Angel, a noir film produced by Elijah Wood.

Gillian Jacobs (Community) has joined the cast of Steve Carell's Burt Wonderstone.

Jennifer Aniston and Dennis Quaid have been added to the cast of Switch, the Jackie Brown prequel.

Gael Garcia Bernal will play Zorro in a futuristic adaptation of the masked hero.

Jamie Blackley will play the lead in the 300 sequel.

Michael Fassbender will star in Irish Myths.

Kyle Chandler has joined Kathryn Bigelow's next project concerning the hunt for Osama bin Laden. 

MISC.
Mattel is finally making hover boards available. Just don't use try to use one over water.

Dan Aykroyd has threatened to replace Bill Murray in Ghostbusters 3 if Murray doesn't sign on. Let it go, Dan.

The Vow took in a record Valentine's Day total of $11.3 million.

The Academy Awards will not feature The Muppets singing but Kermit and Miss Piggy will present an award.

Review: "Chronicle"

Since The Blair Witch Project debuted in 1999, I have been intrigued by the concept of the found-footage film. Obviously I am not alone in that sentiment seeing as the genre has exploded over the last decade, resulting in a number of low-budget, low-quality films that consistently disappoint across the board. Still, however, I remain interested in the concept as a whole because I believe that, if it used correctly, the technique could lend itself to an outstanding film. Enter Chronicle.

Andrew Detmer (Dane DeHaan) is your typical high school nobody. He is routinely bullied, his home life is a mess, and he has only one friend, Matt Garetty (Alex Russell), a cousin who he isn’t really close to. As a defense mechanism, Andrew starts filming everything he does, earning the ire of just about everyone around him. At a party that Matt drags him to, Andrew is approached by the school’s most popular student, Steve Montgomery (Michael B. Jordan), who asks him to bring his camera over to check out what he and Matt just discovered. What they find is a deep hole in the ground that brings them into contact with a foreign object that imbues the boys with special powers. As the film cuts from scene to scene, we see the trio learning more and more about their abilities, beginning with simple telekinesis tricks like stopping a baseball in midflight and moving up to flying high above the earth with ease. But as they grow stronger, Andrew becomes more powerful than both Matt and Steve and he begins to abuse his powers, prompting a cataclysmic confrontation in the streets of Seattle.

Chronicle hits its projected target on just about every level. It is all at once a sci-fi thriller, a superhero origin story, and, possibly most importantly, a coming-of-age drama. Andrew, Matt, and Steve may be somewhat cliché but they embody their respective roles with ease and comfort. Their relationships, actions, and motivations are completely believable; they behave exactly the way you would expect three teenagers with brand new super powers to behave. These guys aren’t immediately concerned with changing the world for the better or using their powers for good; instead, they compile numerous hand-held shots of pranks and hijinks, toss a football around at 20,000 feet, and enroll in the school’s talent show. Meanwhile, though, Andrew’s worldview becomes darker and darker, bringing the narrative back around to the concept at the core of virtually every superhero film: with great power comes great responsibility. Andrew is set up not as an evil character but rather a mere boy who can’t handle the abilities he’s been gifted along with the emotions of a troubled youth. That is an important difference that keeps Chronicle from becoming the standard good-versus-evil affair and brings more depth to the film than I might have expected going in.

First-time director Josh Trank (rumored to be Marvel’s choice to helm the Fantastic Four reboot) displays great talent but also great restraint. He meshes the teenage angst and drama beautifully with a score of high-quality special effects shots and sequences and never stretches his film too far. Chronicle is less than 90 minutes long and while I usually take that as a red flag, in this case it fits perfectly. Any longer and the film would have run out of steam. Instead, it finishes with a bang, an extended FX sequence that concludes exactly when and how it should. Moreover, Trank’s film is perhaps the first of the genre to properly incorporate multiple viewpoints. Most of the found-footage is taken from Andrew’s camera but throughout the film, Trank interweaves shots from several other sources, particularly in the final, explosive act.

Above all else, I think what sets Chronicle apart from just about every entry from the genre is that it is a good, worthwhile story without the found-footage aspect. Rather than using the technique as a crutch to prop up a pointless story or to simply provide cheap scares, Trank and writer Max Landis crafted together an excellent film that just happens to use found-footage as its medium. Overall, Chronicle stands as a compelling and sometimes thrilling film that represents perhaps the very best the found-footage genre has ever had to offer.

Review: "Man on a Ledge"

When I think of January movie releases, I generally fixate on bad action movies. Unfrightening horror movies are a big part of the month, too, but action movies display the soul of the January Film Calendar. This year alone we were treated to Contraband (meh), Haywire (well received by critics, not audiences), The Grey (a different breed entirely), and Red Tails (underperforming in every way), all of which outshined poor little Man on a Ledge. If any January action film sums up the lackluster nature of the pre-Oscar releases, it’s this one, a hodge-podge of lazy plot points and painful clichés.

Man on a Ledge begins with Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington), who we learn later is an ex-cop and a prison escapee, renting a room in a high-rise Manhattan hotel and promptly walking out onto the ledge (duh) 20+ stories up. This action catches the eye of onlookers from the street and soon cops rope off the area and send in Lydia Mercer (Elizabeth Banks), a haunted police negotiator who Nick requests by name. As she digs deeper into his story, Lydia becomes convinced there is more here than meets the eye and soon Nick lets it be known that he has taken these drastic actions in order to clear his name of the crime that sent him to prison, that being the theft of a $40 million dollar diamond from real estate mogul David Englander (Ed Harris). As it turns out, however, all of Nick’s exploits are done with the intention of distracting the cops while his brother, Joey (Jamie Bell), and his girlfriend, Angie (Genesis Rodriguez), break into Englander’s vault across the street to steal the item he was falsely accused of stealing in the first place.

The most amazing thing about Man on a Ledge is that director Asger Leth was able to assemble such a large collection of quality actors for such a droll film. Worthington, Banks, Bell, Harris, Anthony Mackie, Kyra Sedgwick, Titus Willever, Ed Burns…everywhere you look, there’s a recognizable face. And yet most of these faces are given next to nothing to work with. Harris delivers a watered-down-but-acceptable version of his role in A History of Violence and Banks is, as always, lively and entertaining to watch. Even Worthington is good-enough, though his inability to hold his accent borders on Cageian levels. In fact, if I may be so bold, the scenes in which Nick is actually out on a ledge, often speaking with Lydia, are solid. Not great, mind you, but certainly above average for a January action film.

But just about every positive is overwhelmed by a decisively more aggressive negative. Every scene that focuses on Joey and Angie is awful. AWFUL. And I mean EVERY scene. Angie becomes more and more generic and stereotypical of a spicy Latin hottie and with each line of dialogue, I found myself more and more compelled to leave the theater. I don’t know why Bell insists on taking bad roles in crummy movies. By all accounts he’s a talented guy and yet he keeps popping up in films like The Eagle, Jumper, and this jumbled mess. Maybe he just needs better representation. Regardless, his uninspiring chemistry with Rodriguez is at best awkward and he displays an uncanny ability for having no comedic timing whatsoever. Moreover, each “twist” and “turn” within the movie’s plot is as cliché as the one before, as Man on a Ledge falls into every action movie trap that you can imagine. 20 minutes into the film I could have written down everything that would happen throughout the rest of the runtime and I would have been spot on about 85 percent of the time. Even worse, none of the cliché plot devices are executed with any sort of precision. It’s as if, when writing the film, Pablo F. Fenjves got stuck and said, “Oh, I saw this in a movie one time, let’s do that” and then repeated this pattern multiple times. It is a boring, “going through the motions” narrative that never manages to get its wheels moving properly.

In Home Viewings: "In Time"

At an unspecified time in the future, humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25. Everyone has a bright green counter imbedded on their forearms which show how much time they have left to live. As a byproduct of this new system, time becomes currency; the rich have decades, even centuries to live, while the poor are lucky to have more than 24 hours on their arms at any one time. Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) works at a factory and never has more time than hours in the day until a chance encounter with Henry Hamilton (Matt Bomer), a rich man whose life he saves from a vicious gangster (Alex Pettyfer). Hamilton, though, doesn’t want to go on any longer and while Will sleeps, he transfers over his 116+ years of time. Before he can celebrate with his mother (Olivia Wilde), she runs out of time and dies, prompting Will to make it his mission in life to bring down the system. After being tracked to a mansion by Timekeeper Raymond Leon (Cillian Murphy), Will makes a hostage of his host’s daughter, Sylvia Weis (Amanda Seyfried), and sets out on the run. The pair soon becomes a futuristic version of Bonnie and Clyde as they attempt to stay one step ahead and right the wrongs their society has imposed on the poor.

Concept films almost never pan out, the reason being that ideas are easy to come up with; putting those ideas into motion is a different story. Make no mistake, writer/director Andrew Niccol has a great concept to work with. But as is often the case with sci-fi films, the concept at the heart of In Time is approximately one hundred billion times better than the film itself. This movie could succeed as a sci-fi book or short story but the way in which it is executed on screen makes for an excruciatingly bad experience.

In Time misses the mark on virtually every front. To start, it is rife with poor acting. No, that’s not enough. In truth, most of the performances within this movie are downright terrible. Niccol assembled a cast of attractive individuals who unfortunately have yet to figure out their way as actors, aside from Murphy, who looks like a man who knows he’s boarded a sinking ship. Timberlake, Seyfried, and Wilde may end up being worthwhile performers at some point but at this stage of their respective careers, they need real guidance and good material, neither of which is provided by Niccol. (It should be noted that I did not include Pettyfer in that list because while the others show at least some promise, Pettyfer does not. He is genuinely talentless.) In the end, though, the numerous sleepwalking portrayals and elementary-level dialogue don’t come close to measuring up to the train wreck that is this movie’s plot.

To list the holes within the plot would be to craft a short novel. Absolutely nothing about In Time works the way it is supposed to. The film simply doesn’t make a bit of sense on any level whatsoever. I’d love to know how it got green lit in the first place or how it made it past the test screening phase. It seems that no one anywhere in the chain of command ever asked some rudimentary questions about why this or that happens. Add to these crater-sized holes a staggering number of side plots that serve no purpose and receive no payoff. The most interesting character within the entire mess of a film is Timekeeper Leon and yet his development never enters into the equation.

Really what I’m saying in this review boils down to this: In Time is stupid. (I almost just wrote that sentence as my review but I felt that wouldn’t be received too well.) It is riddled with head-scratching plot holes, anemic dialogue, and cringe-inducing acting and worst of all it is a waste of an interesting and potentially dynamic concept which, as a sci-fi nerd, makes me furious. Stupid. It’s just stupid.

Trailer Time: "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer"

Today brings with it the first teaser trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer, based on the best-seller of the same title. I must say I'm not overly impressed with this film's credentials ("From the Director of Wanted doesn't exactly do it for me) but you want to make your film seem cooler than it probably is, you could do a lot worse than to include a Johnny Cash voiceover.

The Week That Was and the Week That Will Be - 2/12

I usually start this column with some movie news from the weekend. Trying something new this time, however, as I work through a few ideas and changes around here. For all the pertinent movie news of the last week, please see the Movie News Weekly Digest.

Weekend Box Office Results

So…um…you people really wanted to go to the movies this weekend, didn’t you? Despite the fact that all four of the major releases received less-than-favorable attention from critics, they combined to score a total $130 million take. This begs the question: Were these films exceptionally marketable or was America just looking to shake off the January doldrums? I plan on seeing Safe House in the coming days but Chronicle got my money this weekend and man, was it good! (Review to come.)

1. The Vow - $41.7M

2. Safe House - $39.3M

3. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - $27.55M

4. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - $23M

5. Chronicle - $12.3M ($40.16M)

6. The Woman in Black - $10.3M ($35.46M)

7. The Grey - $5.08M ($42.82M)

8. Big Miracle - $3.9M ($13.2M)

9. The Descendants - $3.5M ($70.72M)

10. Underworld: Awakening - $2.5M ($58.9M)

New to DVD

What I’ll Be Renting This Week

Take Shelter (2011) - Michael Shannon, Jessica Chastain, Shea Whigham

If I asked 20 Oscar experts which film or performance ranked as the biggest snub of the year, 19 of them would say, “Michael Shannon, Take Shelter.” (The other expert would jokingly say Bucky Larson and then I would murder him/her before he/she could retract the statement.) I’ve been looking forward to seeing this film, about a Midwest father who begins to have religious-oriented visions, for a long time but never got an opportunity in theaters. Hoping it lives up to the hype!

What I Wish No One Would Watch

Human Centipede II: Full Sequence (2011) - Laurence R. Harvey, Ashlynn Yennie, Maddi Black

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) - Chloe Csengery, Jessica Tyler Brown, Christopher Nicolas Smith

If I had ridiculous money, I’d purchase the film rights to both of these franchises just so I could lock them away and make sure no one ever, ever suffered through one again. Please stop helping these films, people.

Also New

The Rum Diary (2011) - Johnny Depp, Giovanni Ribisi, Aaron Eckhart

American Teacher (2011) - Matt Damon

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930) - John Wray, Lew Ayres, Louis Wolheim (New to Blu-Ray)

Coming to a Theater Near You

My hot streak on predicting Rotten Tomatoes score has cooled down considerably, though I (of course) had The Vow and Journey 2: The Mysterious Island pegged as Rotten. I missed badly on Safe House and I’m truly disappointed to see the low marks it received across the board. Apologies for misleading you. I’ll try to do better.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - Nicolas Cage, Ciaran Hinds, Idris Elba

In this much-anticipated (that’s a lie) sequel, Ghost Rider (Cage) attempts to prevent the devil from taking human form. Three things to love/hate about this movie:

1. The original Ghost Rider is one of the five worst superhero movies to ever receive mainstream release (I’d have Catwoman, Batman and Robin, Green Lantern, and Spiderman 3 filling out that list) and I don’t know anyone who’s been clamoring for a second installment.

2. Writer/Director partners Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor make atrocious films (Crank, Jonah Hex) so clearly the studio did not learn its lesson with Mark Steven Johnson, director of the first Ghost Rider.

3. This movie’s trailer features Nic Cage in full Ghost Rider mode urinating a rope of fire. Because anytime you can get away with a superhero peeing on screen, you have to do it.

Not-so-bold prediction: this is the early favorite for next year’s Razzie Awards. Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Rotten, 22%.

This Means War - Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, Reese Witherspoon

Two best buddies (Pine, Hardy) who also happen to be world-renowned spies, battle over the love of a single woman (Witherspoon). Director McG makes enjoyable if unspectacular films and I really dig the work of both Pine and Hardy. I’m not a fan of Witherspoon, however, and I get the impression that the only worthwhile and non-embarrassing sequences are in the trailer. I’d like this to be a good date movie but… Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Rotten, 52%.

The Secret World of Arrietty - Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, Carol Burnett

A new take on The Borrowers done in Japanese-style animation. I’ve heard really, really good things about this movie. Unfortunately, I cannot handle Japanese animation in any of its forms. So I cannot see myself enjoying it. Rotten Tomatoes prediction: Fresh, 87%.

We’ll also be treated to a wider expansion for Undefeated, a documentary from late last year about a high school football team and Thin Ice (Greg Kinnear, Billy Crudup, Alan Arkin), a Coens-like dark comedy about blackmail in the Wisconsin winter. 

Movie News Weekly Digest

AWARDS, ANNOUNCEMENTS
As I'm sure you heard, Whitney Houston died this weekend. RIP.

Rango took home most of the hardware at this year's Annie Awards.

The Art Director's Guild spread some love around to Hugo and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

FEATURES
Cinema Blend reviewed their top 10 Super Bowl commercials.

The New York Times gave us the 50 best uses of songs in movies.

John Williams celebrated his 80th birthday and Empire picked his 80 best pieces of music.

Cinema Blend gives us their 7 favorite film amnesiacs. 

The Hollywood Reporter takes a look at the Star Wars empire and sat down with George Lucas for a brief interview in which he claims Han never shot first. (Trying to stay calm right now.)

NEW PROJECTS, PICK-UPS, and DETAILS
The Wolverine sequel has been slated for July 2013.

Vin Diesel let some news slip regarding the plot of the new Riddick film.

Sony picked up Sundance darling Smashed starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

Joseph Gordon Levitt has set up his directorial debut and will work with Scarlett Johansson.

The live-action Jetsons movie is still in production and has hired a new writer.

Johnny Depp will produce a film about Damien Echols, a member of the West Memphis Three.

After a tumultuous pre-production run, Bradley Cooper's Paradise Lost has been dropped by Legendary.

Jon Favreau will direct a pilot for JJ Abrams' Revolution.

Ridley Scott has signed on to helm The Counselor by Cormac McCarthy.

A sequel for X-Men: First Class is in the works as is a reboot for The Fantastic Four (thank God).

CASTING BITS
At first Harrison Ford was in talks to join the Blade Runner sequel...and then he wasn't...and then maybe he is again.

Jane Levy took over Lilly Collin's role in the Evil Dead remake.

Russell Crowe said he was not involved with the Robocop remake.

Michael Biehn signed a 3-picture contract with Aspect Film and all three films will be shot back to back.

Amy Adams will star in and produce An Object of Beauty.

Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson will reteam for Shawn Levy's Interns.

Denzel Washington will join Mark Wahlberg in 2 Guns. 

Natalie Portman has jumped on board for not one but two Terrence Malick projects. 

Morgan Freeman will star opposite Tom Cruise in Oblivion. 

Christopher Plummer and Frank Langella will join up for an HBO film about Muhammed Ali. 

Saoirse Ronan has been tapped to star in The Order of the Seven which used to be a Snow White adaptation.

Hailee Steinfeld joins Scarlett Johansson and Mark Ruffalo for Can a Song Save Your Life.

Angelina Jolie confirms that her next project will be Malificent, of Sleeping Beauty fame.

In Home Viewings: "Apollo 18"

In 1972, the crew of Apollo 17 made the last manned moon landing. Shortly after their return to earth, NASA cancelled the flights of Apollo 18, 19, and 20, respectively, and instead turned focus towards the creation of the space shuttle. At least, that’s what the government wants you to think. (Cue the ominous “conspiracy” music.)The found footage within Apollo 18 would have you believe that the Apollo 17 mission was just the tip of the iceberg. With John (Ryan Robbins) orbiting above the moon, Nate (Lloyd Owen) and Ben (Warren Christie) descend upon the surface for a secret mission, carrying a payload provided by the Department of Defense. Their two day mission takes a strange turn, however, when they find a Soviet landing craft and the body of a cosmonaut not far from their own landing spot. Soon weird things begin to happen and before long the two astronauts find themselves under attack from a mysterious presence that always seems to evade eyesight. When Nate is injured and begins to show signs of infection, it is left to Ben to try to get the pair back to their orbiting shuttle before it’s too late.

The found footage genre, which has become far too prominent in recent years, presents a challenge for me. As a concept, I think it’s rather intriguing. There are things that you can do with a found footage narrative that you can’t do with the standard storytelling and when done right, it can create an atmosphere that feels more realistic than it would be otherwise. I think it’s that presence that brings me back to found footage flicks. The problem is it’s almost never done right. In the same way that 3D has been bastardized by bad filmmakers with bad films that use the technology for evil rather than good, found footage is mostly used as a crutch for lazy, uninspired storytelling. It is used, essentially, as a gimmick more often than not rather than a tool for crafting a quality film.

Apollo 18 is the personification of that last paragraph. As a concept, it is thoroughly intriguing to me. It asks the question, “Why haven’t we been back to the moon?” and pretty soon I found myself wondering the same thing. I’m anything but a conspiracy theorist but still, the base of the film worked for me. I also think the decision to have almost the entire film take place with only two characters was a brave choice even if it didn’t come together seamlessly. But beyond the concept, Apollo 18 falls flat on its face, a perfect illustration of what bothers me most about this genre. Director Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego attempts to build suspense, even terror, throughout but he never manages to pull it off. Very little happens throughout the film’s runtime and what does happen is completely swallowed up by the boredom that the slow pace inspires. And instead of trying to do anything unique or fresh, instead Apollo 18 represents a check list of generic gags and gimmicks that plague the average found footage film.

On top of all this, Apollo 18 isn’t frightening in the least. I tire of film critics attacking suspense films and thrillers for not effectively scaring them out of their seats. But a film billed as a sci-fi horror flick needs to pack at least a bit of a punch and this film is decidedly punchless. Weak dialogue and plot holes can be overlooked (see: The Blair Witch Project) if your film is bringing legitimate scares but every time Apollo 18 tries to ramp up the scare factor, I found myself yawning and wondering how much more I had to sit through. It is lazy, half-hearted filmmaking that could have done much more with the concept it had to work with.