Sam Gold (Jesse Eisenberg) is a young man whose life is run by his Orthodox Hasidic Jewish upbringing. He lives at home, works for his father, and will marry only the woman he is set up with. Everything changes, however, when he accepts a job offer from Yosef (Justin Bartha), his best friend's older brother who serves as the community's black sheep. Presented as a free trip to Amsterdam, Sam quickly discovers that to return home, he will have to carry Ecstasy through customs. While he is clearly shaken by this foray into the world of drug running, he quickly realizes what kind of financial benefit this trade could bring him. He begins training other down-on-their-luck Jews to smuggle drugs and before long, asserts himself as a valuable part of kingpin Jackie Solomon's (Danny A. Abeckaser). But as the deals get bigger, Sam's family life falls apart and he comes closer and closer to the edge as the feds get closer.
"Rollers" gets some good-enough performances from the cast. Eisenberg brings a certain emotional attachment to the project and does an admirable job of making Sam his own man instead of a Mark Zuckerberg as a drug mule. Bartha, usually the comic relief, plays well against-type and embraces the black sheep junkie with flair. Based on real events, the film's setting is interesting but fails to develop as I would have liked. There's a great story to be told within the framework of the "Orthodox Jew struggles with the abandonment of his family and faith in order to make good money" plot line. Unfortunately, director Kevin Asch and screenwriter Antonio Macia neglect this, the most intriguing aspect of the tale and instead focus on a cookie-cutter love triangle that stagnates the flow of the film and brought about boredom on my part. A refocused narrative could have made "Holy Rollers" an engrossing film. Instead, the final product is mediocre at best.
Grade: B-
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
New Movie Friday
Well, it ain't much but it's better than last week. Just remember: 2011 is going to rock the pants off of 2010. Just give it some time!
"The Green Hornet" - Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz, Christoph Waltz
After the death of his media mogul father, a privileged slacker (Rogen) transforms himself into a crime fighter with the help of his driver (Chou). I almost went to a midnight screening of this tonight. Then I thought, "This stars Seth Rogen and it's opening in January. It can wait until tomorrow." Still, I'm experiencing muted excitement about "Hornet" and I'm really hoping an odd blend of filmmakers can bring together a fun ride.
"The Dilemma" - Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Channing Tatum
A man (Vaughn) becomes conflicted when he discovers that his best friend's (James) wife (Ryder) is having an affair. Should he keep it from him or risk letting this information push his already-stressed business partner over the edge? First off, there is no dilemma, you tell your best friend what's up. Period. Second, this looks AWFUL. I cannot believe that Ron Howard is directing this train wreck. I saw Howard and Vaughn in an interview earlier this week and even they seem to know how bad this film is. You could just see it in their eyes. Please stay away from this, dear readers, I beg of you.
"Barney's Version" - Paul Giamatti, Rosamund Pike, Dustin Hoffman
An insensitive and blunt TV producer (Giamatti) reviews his life's many triumphs and defeats. You'll hear no questioning of Giamatti's abilities on this site. He's great, no question. But his movie's never do anything for me. I guess I like explosions too much to get excited about a Giamatti-centered project. Please forgive me for my dependence on having anything happen to keep my interest.
"The Green Hornet" - Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz, Christoph Waltz
After the death of his media mogul father, a privileged slacker (Rogen) transforms himself into a crime fighter with the help of his driver (Chou). I almost went to a midnight screening of this tonight. Then I thought, "This stars Seth Rogen and it's opening in January. It can wait until tomorrow." Still, I'm experiencing muted excitement about "Hornet" and I'm really hoping an odd blend of filmmakers can bring together a fun ride.
"The Dilemma" - Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Channing Tatum
A man (Vaughn) becomes conflicted when he discovers that his best friend's (James) wife (Ryder) is having an affair. Should he keep it from him or risk letting this information push his already-stressed business partner over the edge? First off, there is no dilemma, you tell your best friend what's up. Period. Second, this looks AWFUL. I cannot believe that Ron Howard is directing this train wreck. I saw Howard and Vaughn in an interview earlier this week and even they seem to know how bad this film is. You could just see it in their eyes. Please stay away from this, dear readers, I beg of you.
"Barney's Version" - Paul Giamatti, Rosamund Pike, Dustin Hoffman
An insensitive and blunt TV producer (Giamatti) reviews his life's many triumphs and defeats. You'll hear no questioning of Giamatti's abilities on this site. He's great, no question. But his movie's never do anything for me. I guess I like explosions too much to get excited about a Giamatti-centered project. Please forgive me for my dependence on having anything happen to keep my interest.
Movie News Today
Movieline has an interview with the magnificent Allison Janney, one of my all time favorite character actors.
As if "Firefly" wasn't awesome enough, Geek with Curves posts pics from several episodes of the cult hit that feature a bust of Han Solo frozen in carbonite somewhere in the background. Love it!
A Life in Equinox has a post concerning big name actors who have speech impediments. A bit inspiring when you think about it.
If you haven't read "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" then you and I should be friends because apparently we're the only ones. Regardless, the movie adaptation is creating quite a stir and a litany of name actors, like Timothy Olyphant and Adrian Brody, are after the lead role. I may not know much about this project but Timothy Olyphant in anything is always a good idea.
Paul Greengrass ("The Bourne Ultimatum") is planning a Martin Luther King, Jr. assassination biopic. Shocking that it's taken this long.
I don't usually pass on images or scenes from upcoming movie because I think it takes away from the movie going experience. But I'm quite interested in the "Spiderman" reboot so here's the first image of Andrew Garfield ("The Social Network") in the lead role.
As if "Firefly" wasn't awesome enough, Geek with Curves posts pics from several episodes of the cult hit that feature a bust of Han Solo frozen in carbonite somewhere in the background. Love it!
A Life in Equinox has a post concerning big name actors who have speech impediments. A bit inspiring when you think about it.
If you haven't read "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" then you and I should be friends because apparently we're the only ones. Regardless, the movie adaptation is creating quite a stir and a litany of name actors, like Timothy Olyphant and Adrian Brody, are after the lead role. I may not know much about this project but Timothy Olyphant in anything is always a good idea.
Paul Greengrass ("The Bourne Ultimatum") is planning a Martin Luther King, Jr. assassination biopic. Shocking that it's taken this long.
I don't usually pass on images or scenes from upcoming movie because I think it takes away from the movie going experience. But I'm quite interested in the "Spiderman" reboot so here's the first image of Andrew Garfield ("The Social Network") in the lead role.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Blu Ray Review: "Salt"
Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) is just your ordinary, run-of-the-mill CIA agent until a supposed Russian defector (Daniel Olbrychski) lets slip that she is a Russian spy during an interrogation. Salt is forced to go on the run, carrying out a series of increasingly dangerous actions that occasionally make sense. While being pursued by both her former colleagues and a sleeper cell of Russian terrorists, she keeps everyone (including the audience) asking the same question: just what side is Evelyn Salt on?
It's possible that "Salt" may have the widest range of reviews of any movie from 2010. Comments from writers I greatly respect would have had me believing that this was either one of the better action movies of the year or one of the more convoluted, pointless films of the year. I'm afraid I come closer to the latter camp than the former. Clearly the point of the movie is to keep the audience guessing so that the final twist is especially earth shattering. Unfortunately, I had completely lost interest in the movie's plot by the time we get to the final reveal or whether or not Salt is a hero or a villain. I'm all for a film that challenges me to follow along (see: "Inception") but I have a tendency to shut down when I feel like a movie is screwing with my mind just for the heck of it. Maybe that's an indictment of me as much as it is "Salt" but regardless, the various twists and turns just left me feeling cold and uncaring as to what would happen. In addition, the action sequences are quite outlandish and while that might work for a Jerry Bruckheimer production, it doesn't seem to fit here. Moreover, I just don't buy Jolie as an action star. I've tried, I really have, but she just doesn't work for me in these types of roles. Add that all together with an under-utilization of one great character actor (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and the typecasting of another (Liev Schreiber) and the result is thoroughly unimpressive.
Grade: C+
It's possible that "Salt" may have the widest range of reviews of any movie from 2010. Comments from writers I greatly respect would have had me believing that this was either one of the better action movies of the year or one of the more convoluted, pointless films of the year. I'm afraid I come closer to the latter camp than the former. Clearly the point of the movie is to keep the audience guessing so that the final twist is especially earth shattering. Unfortunately, I had completely lost interest in the movie's plot by the time we get to the final reveal or whether or not Salt is a hero or a villain. I'm all for a film that challenges me to follow along (see: "Inception") but I have a tendency to shut down when I feel like a movie is screwing with my mind just for the heck of it. Maybe that's an indictment of me as much as it is "Salt" but regardless, the various twists and turns just left me feeling cold and uncaring as to what would happen. In addition, the action sequences are quite outlandish and while that might work for a Jerry Bruckheimer production, it doesn't seem to fit here. Moreover, I just don't buy Jolie as an action star. I've tried, I really have, but she just doesn't work for me in these types of roles. Add that all together with an under-utilization of one great character actor (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and the typecasting of another (Liev Schreiber) and the result is thoroughly unimpressive.
Grade: C+
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Movie News Today
If you have $1.65 million dollars, you can buy Cameron's home from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." It's not that I don't have the money, I'm just not looking for a glass house right now.
One of my new favorite blogs, CinemaSlants, delves into the subject of favorite movies with a review of "JFK," a movie that I myself love and almost everyone else dislikes.
There's no official date yet but it looks like "Jurassic Park" will reach Blu-Ray sometime this year. FINALLY!!! If we could only get the real versions of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, I could get "LOTR," "Star Wars," and "Jurassic" all in one year. 2011 is already whipping the fire out of 2010.
Celluloid Zombie gives us his list of the top 10 father-son movies. Great list!
I don't think I ever posted the trailer for "Battle: Los Angeles." I saw it in the theater this weekend and was intrigued. In case you haven't seen it, check it out!
One of my new favorite blogs, CinemaSlants, delves into the subject of favorite movies with a review of "JFK," a movie that I myself love and almost everyone else dislikes.
There's no official date yet but it looks like "Jurassic Park" will reach Blu-Ray sometime this year. FINALLY!!! If we could only get the real versions of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, I could get "LOTR," "Star Wars," and "Jurassic" all in one year. 2011 is already whipping the fire out of 2010.
Celluloid Zombie gives us his list of the top 10 father-son movies. Great list!
I don't think I ever posted the trailer for "Battle: Los Angeles." I saw it in the theater this weekend and was intrigued. In case you haven't seen it, check it out!
Top 10 Anticipated Films of 2011 - Part I
Here's the problem with "canning" columns: sometimes you forget to publish. I, like almost all of my blogging colleagues, have been known to write several pieces in one day when I have some extra time. Unfortunately, I neglected to post this one last week when I intended to. Please forgive the lateness!
Every December, I comb through several movie calendars to get a grasp on what I have to look forward to at the theater the following year. I compile a "See, Rent, Don't See" list because...well, because I like making lists. From that list, I mentally circle the release dates on the calendar and take note of a few films that really float my boat. Because of the number of movies that have unannounced release dates or have to make the rounds through the festival circuit, however, it is quite difficult to get a feel for what films will be available for my perusal during the back half of the year. With that in mind, I present to you my 10 most anticipated films from the first half of 2011.
10. "Mars Needs Moms" (March 11) - Seth Green, Joan Cusack, Breckin Meyer
When aliens come to earth to recruit mothers, one boy (Green) gains a new appreciation for his own mom (Cusack). This movie wouldn't come close to making the list if not for "Tangled" which completely changed my ideas about current Disney films. Should be fun!
9. "The Beaver" (March 23) - Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster
An angry, depressed man (Gibson) begins communicating through a stuffed beaver puppet he keeps on his hand. In my mind, this film started out as a documentary like "I'm Still Here" with director Foster wanting to follow the real-life Gibson around as he tries to re-assimilate into society. Obviously that's not what really happened but it sure is funny to think about. Anyway, I'm very interested to see the response to Gibson fresh off his most recent outburst.
8. "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" (May 20) - Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane
Back from a four year layoff, the "Pirates" series jumps back onto the scene sans Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley and with a new villain (McShane). Like most everyone else I loved the first "Pirates" and mildly enjoyed the second and third installments. I'm hoping the break between movies and a refocus onto the money character, Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow, can push this series back to prominence.
7. "Thor" (May 6) - Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman, Idris Elba
The Norse god of Marvel comics finally gets a big-screen debut with a storyline that involves a young and arrogant Thor being banished to earth by his father, Odin (Hopkins). My hope is that director Kenneth Branagh can bring this movie some British charm and sophistication because the trailer looks a bit over the top.
6. "The Adjustment Bureau" (March 4) - Matt Damon, Emily Blunt
I was extremely excited about this film last year when it was scheduled to open in September and my enthusiasm hasn't died down to this point. Based on a story by Philip K. Dick ("Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep"/"Blade Runner"), Damon plays a political candidate who falls in love with a ballerina(Blunt), only to have their affair complicated by the Adjustment Bureau, who work to keep everyone's "fate" on track. Sci-fi plus Matt Damon equals a win for me any day of the week.
5. "X-Men: First Class" (June 3) - James McAvoy, Michael Fessbender, Jennifer Lawrence
The backstory of the original X-Men and their opponents, namely Professor X (McAvoy) and Magneto (Fessbender). I admit some hesitance about "First Class" on my part. "Wolverine" was less than stellar and the casting choices are less than inspiring for me. Still, having had a great love for the X-Men from an early age, the franchise holds my interest and I'll definitely be at a midnight showing for this one.
4. "Source Code" (April 1) - Jakey Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga
A sci-fi concept piece finds a soldier (Gyllenhaal) being given the opportunity to prevent a catastrophic event if he can do it in under seven minutes. "Source Code" has forced two of my worlds to collide: I can't stand Gyllenhaal or virtually any of the films he's starred in but director Duncan Jones rocked my face off with 2009's "Moon" which is unquestionably the best sci-fi movie I've seen in years. In this case, Jones trumps Gyllenhaal and I'm stoked.
3. "Super 8" (June 10) - Kyle Chandler, Elle Fanning, Noah Emmerich
Much like 2009's "Cloverfield," director/producer J.J. Abrams has kept an extremely tight lid on this single-camera alien flick. The master of building suspense through viral marketing, Abrams has once again piqued my interest with a great trailer and a level of secrecy that is usually reserved for launch codes.
2. "Cars 2" (June 24) - Owen Wilson, Bonnie Hunt, Michael Caine
Let's put all our cards on the table: besides "Ratatouille," in my mind "Cars" is the worst Pixar film. But the worst thing to come out of Pixar's stable of amazing films is still better than just about anything that comes down the pipes. In all honesty, these guys could probably just send out a press release that says, "The next Pixar film will open on June 24" and I'd be there on day one with absolutely no knowledge of what I was about to see.
1. "Green Lantern" (June 17) - Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong
I admit that, even though this movie tops my list of anticipated films, I'm nervous. In fact, the trailer that's been making the rounds for the last few months scares the heck out of me. The CGI looks rough and the suit is...well, George Clooney's suit in "Batman and Robin" is clearly the worst superhero suit of all time but this thing might end up being just behind it. And Sarsgaard looks ridiculous. But. BUT. The idea of Ryan Reynolds as a superhero who, unlike Batman or Superman, by his very nature has an undefined backstory (the Green Lantern in comics changes depending on who wears the ring of power) with which so much freedom can be taken to put together a great story...that's just too much to not get excited. Hopefully the CGI issues have been worked out in post-production and "Green Lantern" will reach my expectations.
Every December, I comb through several movie calendars to get a grasp on what I have to look forward to at the theater the following year. I compile a "See, Rent, Don't See" list because...well, because I like making lists. From that list, I mentally circle the release dates on the calendar and take note of a few films that really float my boat. Because of the number of movies that have unannounced release dates or have to make the rounds through the festival circuit, however, it is quite difficult to get a feel for what films will be available for my perusal during the back half of the year. With that in mind, I present to you my 10 most anticipated films from the first half of 2011.
10. "Mars Needs Moms" (March 11) - Seth Green, Joan Cusack, Breckin Meyer
When aliens come to earth to recruit mothers, one boy (Green) gains a new appreciation for his own mom (Cusack). This movie wouldn't come close to making the list if not for "Tangled" which completely changed my ideas about current Disney films. Should be fun!
9. "The Beaver" (March 23) - Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster
An angry, depressed man (Gibson) begins communicating through a stuffed beaver puppet he keeps on his hand. In my mind, this film started out as a documentary like "I'm Still Here" with director Foster wanting to follow the real-life Gibson around as he tries to re-assimilate into society. Obviously that's not what really happened but it sure is funny to think about. Anyway, I'm very interested to see the response to Gibson fresh off his most recent outburst.
8. "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" (May 20) - Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane
Back from a four year layoff, the "Pirates" series jumps back onto the scene sans Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley and with a new villain (McShane). Like most everyone else I loved the first "Pirates" and mildly enjoyed the second and third installments. I'm hoping the break between movies and a refocus onto the money character, Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow, can push this series back to prominence.
7. "Thor" (May 6) - Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman, Idris Elba
The Norse god of Marvel comics finally gets a big-screen debut with a storyline that involves a young and arrogant Thor being banished to earth by his father, Odin (Hopkins). My hope is that director Kenneth Branagh can bring this movie some British charm and sophistication because the trailer looks a bit over the top.
6. "The Adjustment Bureau" (March 4) - Matt Damon, Emily Blunt
I was extremely excited about this film last year when it was scheduled to open in September and my enthusiasm hasn't died down to this point. Based on a story by Philip K. Dick ("Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep"/"Blade Runner"), Damon plays a political candidate who falls in love with a ballerina(Blunt), only to have their affair complicated by the Adjustment Bureau, who work to keep everyone's "fate" on track. Sci-fi plus Matt Damon equals a win for me any day of the week.
5. "X-Men: First Class" (June 3) - James McAvoy, Michael Fessbender, Jennifer Lawrence
The backstory of the original X-Men and their opponents, namely Professor X (McAvoy) and Magneto (Fessbender). I admit some hesitance about "First Class" on my part. "Wolverine" was less than stellar and the casting choices are less than inspiring for me. Still, having had a great love for the X-Men from an early age, the franchise holds my interest and I'll definitely be at a midnight showing for this one.
4. "Source Code" (April 1) - Jakey Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga
A sci-fi concept piece finds a soldier (Gyllenhaal) being given the opportunity to prevent a catastrophic event if he can do it in under seven minutes. "Source Code" has forced two of my worlds to collide: I can't stand Gyllenhaal or virtually any of the films he's starred in but director Duncan Jones rocked my face off with 2009's "Moon" which is unquestionably the best sci-fi movie I've seen in years. In this case, Jones trumps Gyllenhaal and I'm stoked.
3. "Super 8" (June 10) - Kyle Chandler, Elle Fanning, Noah Emmerich
Much like 2009's "Cloverfield," director/producer J.J. Abrams has kept an extremely tight lid on this single-camera alien flick. The master of building suspense through viral marketing, Abrams has once again piqued my interest with a great trailer and a level of secrecy that is usually reserved for launch codes.
2. "Cars 2" (June 24) - Owen Wilson, Bonnie Hunt, Michael Caine
Let's put all our cards on the table: besides "Ratatouille," in my mind "Cars" is the worst Pixar film. But the worst thing to come out of Pixar's stable of amazing films is still better than just about anything that comes down the pipes. In all honesty, these guys could probably just send out a press release that says, "The next Pixar film will open on June 24" and I'd be there on day one with absolutely no knowledge of what I was about to see.
1. "Green Lantern" (June 17) - Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong
I admit that, even though this movie tops my list of anticipated films, I'm nervous. In fact, the trailer that's been making the rounds for the last few months scares the heck out of me. The CGI looks rough and the suit is...well, George Clooney's suit in "Batman and Robin" is clearly the worst superhero suit of all time but this thing might end up being just behind it. And Sarsgaard looks ridiculous. But. BUT. The idea of Ryan Reynolds as a superhero who, unlike Batman or Superman, by his very nature has an undefined backstory (the Green Lantern in comics changes depending on who wears the ring of power) with which so much freedom can be taken to put together a great story...that's just too much to not get excited. Hopefully the CGI issues have been worked out in post-production and "Green Lantern" will reach my expectations.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Movie News Today
The party just keeps right on 'a rollin' in Hobbitland. Ian McKellan and Andy Serkis have both officially agreed to reprise their "Lord of the Rings" roles in "The Hobbit." I may freak out when these movies finally hits, just warning you all.
James Bond, the other huge franchise affected by MGM's issues, will reappear on the screen in November of 2012. (What a great two months Novemeber and December of '12 will be!) Still not sure how I feel about Sam Mendes as the director of this installment but excited nonetheless.
Casting continues for "Dark Knight Rising" with the likes of Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, and Keira Knightley all adding their names to the list of choices for two big female roles in the movie. I trust Christopher Nolan implicitly but I kind of hope he goes the lesser-known route this time around.
The Hollywood Reporter gives us an interview with Aaron Sorkin, mind-blowingly-good screenwriter of "Social Network" fame.
Entertainment Weekly's Lisa Schwarzbaum delivers a recap of last night's New York Film Critics Circle awards during which director Darren Arnofsky ("Black Swan") and critic Armond White got into a war of words. I've discussed my absolute disdain for White before; he's the worst kind of critic the world has to offer: he doesn't like any films and he uses his platform for personal attacks. He's a notorious fraud who has discovered that the easiest way to draw attention is to write inflammatory statements rather than actually displaying a little talent. I hate people like this. But big props to Schwarzbaum for reporting on the incident and (politely) scolding White for his antics. A gusty move that many other writers have shied away from.
James Bond, the other huge franchise affected by MGM's issues, will reappear on the screen in November of 2012. (What a great two months Novemeber and December of '12 will be!) Still not sure how I feel about Sam Mendes as the director of this installment but excited nonetheless.
Casting continues for "Dark Knight Rising" with the likes of Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, and Keira Knightley all adding their names to the list of choices for two big female roles in the movie. I trust Christopher Nolan implicitly but I kind of hope he goes the lesser-known route this time around.
The Hollywood Reporter gives us an interview with Aaron Sorkin, mind-blowingly-good screenwriter of "Social Network" fame.
Entertainment Weekly's Lisa Schwarzbaum delivers a recap of last night's New York Film Critics Circle awards during which director Darren Arnofsky ("Black Swan") and critic Armond White got into a war of words. I've discussed my absolute disdain for White before; he's the worst kind of critic the world has to offer: he doesn't like any films and he uses his platform for personal attacks. He's a notorious fraud who has discovered that the easiest way to draw attention is to write inflammatory statements rather than actually displaying a little talent. I hate people like this. But big props to Schwarzbaum for reporting on the incident and (politely) scolding White for his antics. A gusty move that many other writers have shied away from.
New DVD Tuesday
The Social Network (2010) - Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake
The mostly-true tale of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and the tainted way in which he rose to power, so to speak. This is hitting shelves early, barely three months after its theatrical debut, in an attempt to remind viewers (and more importantly, voters) just how good this film really is. If given an Academy Award vote, I think I'd go "Inception" first, "True Grit" second, and "Social Network" third for Best Picture but honestly, I don't think I could dispute any of those films taking home the prize. This is an outstanding film.
Alpha and Omega (2010) - Justin Long, Hayden Panettiere, Dennis Hopper
Two wild wolves (Long and Panettiere) are relocated to a state park to repopulate the area. Yeesh. Seriously, this is a terrible idea and I'm shocked that no one in the movie-making process stopped to consider just how terrible it really is. "Alpha" made the top 5 on my list of bad movies I didn't see this year.
Piranha (2010) - Jerry O'Connell, Elisabeth Shue, Richard Dreyfuss
Basically, Girls Gone Wild meets "Jaws." That's pretty much it, right? B-movie fans seemed to enjoy this sucker. The rest of us stayed away. Wisely.
New to Blu Ray
Dances with Wolves 20th Anniversary Edition (1990) - Kevin Costner, Graham Greene, Mary McDonnell
Fun fact: "Dances with Wolves" was nominated for 50 awards when it came out. FIFTY. That's insane. Weird fact about me: I have a ridiculous love for all things Kevin Costner. I don't really understand it but I actively root for his success when even his mother has lost interest in him. But, "Dances" doesn't really do much for me. It's sprawling and epic and masterfully shot and I get why it garnered so much attention, it's just not my thing. I might have to give it another shot on Blu Ray, however.
Once Upon a Time in America (1984) and Raging Bull (1980) - Robert De Niro
Just got rent these movies and relive a time when Robert De Niro mattered and wasn't relegated to rubbish like "Little Fockers." Such a great actor who hasn't been seriously misused for the last 15 years. Pity.
Blu Ray Pick of the Week or Whenever I Feel Like It
The mostly-true tale of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and the tainted way in which he rose to power, so to speak. This is hitting shelves early, barely three months after its theatrical debut, in an attempt to remind viewers (and more importantly, voters) just how good this film really is. If given an Academy Award vote, I think I'd go "Inception" first, "True Grit" second, and "Social Network" third for Best Picture but honestly, I don't think I could dispute any of those films taking home the prize. This is an outstanding film.
Alpha and Omega (2010) - Justin Long, Hayden Panettiere, Dennis Hopper
Two wild wolves (Long and Panettiere) are relocated to a state park to repopulate the area. Yeesh. Seriously, this is a terrible idea and I'm shocked that no one in the movie-making process stopped to consider just how terrible it really is. "Alpha" made the top 5 on my list of bad movies I didn't see this year.
Piranha (2010) - Jerry O'Connell, Elisabeth Shue, Richard Dreyfuss
Basically, Girls Gone Wild meets "Jaws." That's pretty much it, right? B-movie fans seemed to enjoy this sucker. The rest of us stayed away. Wisely.
New to Blu Ray
Dances with Wolves 20th Anniversary Edition (1990) - Kevin Costner, Graham Greene, Mary McDonnell
Fun fact: "Dances with Wolves" was nominated for 50 awards when it came out. FIFTY. That's insane. Weird fact about me: I have a ridiculous love for all things Kevin Costner. I don't really understand it but I actively root for his success when even his mother has lost interest in him. But, "Dances" doesn't really do much for me. It's sprawling and epic and masterfully shot and I get why it garnered so much attention, it's just not my thing. I might have to give it another shot on Blu Ray, however.
Once Upon a Time in America (1984) and Raging Bull (1980) - Robert De Niro
Just got rent these movies and relive a time when Robert De Niro mattered and wasn't relegated to rubbish like "Little Fockers." Such a great actor who hasn't been seriously misused for the last 15 years. Pity.
Blu Ray Pick of the Week or Whenever I Feel Like It
Rob Roy (1995) - Liam Neeson, Tim Roth, Jessica Lange
Overshadowed by the much more popular "Braveheart" which opened just a few weeks after this, "Rob Roy" is an excellent film that deserves more attention than it has received. I caught the last half of it on HBO last week and was reminded of its strength. Neeson is always great but the real selling point here is Roth who gives one of the great villainous performances of the last 25 years. Check it out.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Top 10 Worst Movies I Didn't See This Year
I see an awful lot of movies each year. One thing I pride myself on, however, is being able to avoid the worst of the worst (at least in a theater). I'm very rarely surprised by how bad a movie is once I'm in the theater. Sure, mediocrity can sneak up on me from time to time but I'm usually able to avoid all around miserable experiences (or at least hold them off until they hit DVD shelves). Many of my contemporaries make an attempt to see a higher number of films, whether they expect them to be good or not, an approach which I certainly appreciate but ultimately reject. I don't get paid to go to the movies, for one thing, and for another, I'm quite busy as it is. Forking over my limited amount of spending cash for a movie I expect to stink is just not my bag. Because of this, my annual end of year rankings (coming next week) are generally top heavy in grades as compared to the lists of other writers who spend more time with bad movies than me. With that in mind, I present to you the Soap Box Office's first annual Worst Movies I Didn't See This Year. Please enjoy.
Note: Despite the fact that I am 100% certain that both "A Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Saw 3D" are atrociously horrible movies, I excluded them from consideration because I don't generally enjoy horror movies of any quality. I felt their inclusion would be unavoidably biased.
10. Death at a Funeral - Chris Rock, Danny Glover, Tracy Morgan, Luke Wilson
We start the list off with an unorthodox choice. In truth, this movie is probably relatively enjoyable on one level or another. "Death" takes a place on this list as a matter of principal rather than content. In 2007, the British production of this film debuted, went through the festival circuit, and ultimately received a fairly large US release. 2010's version is an almost scene-for-scene "adaptation" with all the British/white actors replaced with just about every famous black actor (minus Will Smith) with a few lowbrow jokes thrown in. I'm not a movie snob; I doubt you'll ever see me complain about an English remake of a foreign film and very rarely will I wax poetic about how much better an original film is than its remake. But this was an English-language film and it opened less than 3 years before this remake did! The only significant difference is the black actors. I think if I was a black moviegoer, I would be thoroughly offended by this production. Its existence suggests that black people will only understand and therefore pay to see a movie starring black actors. That's an ignorant, foolish, and embarrassing assumption and it bugs me that this angle didn't get more play.
9. Tooth Fairy - The Rock, Ashley Judd, Julie Andrews
Children's movies are going to make a few appearances on this list so I guess you could look at this as "the best, worst children's movie of the year." The Rock is a self-absorbed hockey player who becomes the Tooth Fairy through a series of "Santa Claus"-esque events. I have yet to enjoy a single movie The Rock has been a part of and tired plotlines like this don't make me want to put that prejudice aside. Add in a cringe-inducing trailer and you've got a recipe for disaster. At least Disney was smart enough to release this in January when it could make a little money.
8. The Back-up Plan - Jennifer Lopez, Alex O'Loughlin
I'm CERTAIN that had I seen this blergfest, it would have rivaled the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Just read the IMDB plot summary: "A romantic comedy centering on a woman who conceives twins through artificial insemination, only to meet the man of her dreams the very same day." Here's my question: how long until "The Back-up Plan" is being used as psychological torture in holding facilities across the world? An even better question: has Jennifer Lopez EVER been in a good movie? "Out of Sight" has a solid reputation and "Selena" is decent enough for what it is. Everything else? Crap.
7. Furry Vengeance - Brendan Fraser, Brooke Shields, Matt Prokop
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the greenest human in the world. Still, I'm all for curbing global warming, conserving our planet, etc. Green ideas have been prevalent in kid's movies for a long time but perhaps never so blatantly (and moronically) than in "Furry Vengeance." The gist of the plot involves Fraser being an all around douche bag to everyone and everything and Mother Nature taking out a slapstick revenge upon him. Even extreme liberal film followers distanced themselves from this pile of junk and despite a modest budget, it failed to recoup even half of its expenses. Just go away, Brendan Fraser.
6. Vampires Suck - Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Ken Jeong
If the vampire phenomenon wasn't bad enough (I'm talking to you, "Twilight" fans) now we have to suffer a spoof on shiny vampires? Really?! I mean, of course I'm not surprised. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have made a TON of money with their witless, brainless, pointless parodies like the "Scary Movie" franchise, "Date Movie," and "Meet the Spartans." But still, when is enough enough? Can we start some sort of petition or start sending threatening letters to these clowns or something? Please stop.
5. Killers - Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck
A woman (Heigl) meets and marries a mysterious man (Kutcher) who turns out to be a spy. Shenanigans ensue. This is the only film on this list which wasn't immediately tossed out of viewing consideration the minute I saw the trailer. For a very short period of time I went back and forth over whether this really was going to be terrible or if my own unquestionable hatred for Katherine Heigl was swaying my opinion. And then the reviews came rolling in and wow, what a Crapalooza this thing must be. Entertainment Weekly (not exactly known for taking much of a stand) dedicated a full page to the many reasons why they hated Heigl's character so much. Best EW article of the year, by the way. And I'm a little upset that this movie managed to smear its stink on the otherwise awesome Tom Selleck.
4. Marmaduke - Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, Lee Pace
When did I know that "Marmaduke" was going to suck, you ask? When, approximately two weeks before its June 4th debut (coincidentally the same week as "Killers"), I looked at the movies coming to a theater near me in June and for the very first time saw ANYTHING concerning "Marmaduke." Look, it's possible that in all the prep work I do over the course of a year to stay in touch with coming attractions, I missed notes about this movie. That very rarely happens but it's possible. What isn't possible, however, is for me to miss any and all promotion of a summer movie. If a studio cares about a movie, anyone with cable, Internet, a car, or a pulse sees promos, billboards, etc. whether they want to or not. I swear I didn't see a single "Marmaduke" advertisement until a week before its debut. That's a terrible sign. My friend at Marshall and the Movies picked this as the worst film of the year. Again, I don't doubt it.
3. Alpha and Omega - Justin Long, Hayden Panettiere, Dennis Hopper
The last kid's movie to make the list, "Alpha and Omega" centers around two wolves who are relocated to a national park to...are you ready for this?...repopulate the area with little baby wolves. If your reaction to this synopsis was anything less than, "Wait, what now?" to the combination of "kid's movie" and "repopulate" then either you helped make this movie or we need to have a serious talk about what's socially appropriate. If that insane plotline wasn't reason enough to stay away from this thing, the trailer, which I was inundated with over and over no matter what movie I was waiting to see, is one of the worst in recent memory. I love animated features and kid's movies in general. I really do. But I come from the Pixar school of thought which insists that, just because we're making a kid's movie doesn't mean we can't strive for greatness. This doesn't cut it.
2. The Bounty Hunter - Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudekis
Someday when our society is overrun by anarchists, I believe their leader may cite this movie as the final straw that broke the camel's back and forced him into a life of rebellion. And it's not just that it was obviously a brutally bad film but also the fact that somehow it managed to make $60 million in the US. I feel like every person who saw "The Bounty Hunter" should have to come before some sort of tribunal to defend their actions. (I'm talking to you, wives and girlfriends who maliciously dragged your well-intentioned other halves to see this train wreck.) And by the way, Gerard Butler, you have officially cashed in all the Awesome Manly Man chips you earned with "300" on the following films: "P.S. I Love You," "The Ugly Truth," and this heap of rubbish. You're done now.
1. Sex and the City 2 - Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon
Here are the three best/worst things about "Sex and the City 2."
1. Despite the fact that our country is going through the worst economic crisis of the last 25+ years, the people at New Line/HBO thought it would be a great idea to release a film about 4 Manhattan socialites spending exorbitant amounts of money vacationing in Abu Dhabi. Way to keep up with the times, guys.
2. The runtime for this movie is a whopping 146 minutes. Two and half hours of old, disconnected women sitting around and complaining! Quite ambitious, isn't that?
3. When looking at the movie's IMDB page, I noticed it had won an award. Shocked, I clicked to discover it had been named "Best Ensemble Cast" by the ShoWest Awards. Obviously I had to check out the ShoWest festival where I discovered that the clearly brilliant minds at this establishment had also named Katherine Heigl "Female Star of the Year," Jay Roach "Comedy Director of the Decade," and given Jerry Bruckheimer a "Lifetime Achievement" award. Note to the people at ShoWest: I will pay you to not invite me to your convention. Just bill me.
Note: Despite the fact that I am 100% certain that both "A Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Saw 3D" are atrociously horrible movies, I excluded them from consideration because I don't generally enjoy horror movies of any quality. I felt their inclusion would be unavoidably biased.
10. Death at a Funeral - Chris Rock, Danny Glover, Tracy Morgan, Luke Wilson
We start the list off with an unorthodox choice. In truth, this movie is probably relatively enjoyable on one level or another. "Death" takes a place on this list as a matter of principal rather than content. In 2007, the British production of this film debuted, went through the festival circuit, and ultimately received a fairly large US release. 2010's version is an almost scene-for-scene "adaptation" with all the British/white actors replaced with just about every famous black actor (minus Will Smith) with a few lowbrow jokes thrown in. I'm not a movie snob; I doubt you'll ever see me complain about an English remake of a foreign film and very rarely will I wax poetic about how much better an original film is than its remake. But this was an English-language film and it opened less than 3 years before this remake did! The only significant difference is the black actors. I think if I was a black moviegoer, I would be thoroughly offended by this production. Its existence suggests that black people will only understand and therefore pay to see a movie starring black actors. That's an ignorant, foolish, and embarrassing assumption and it bugs me that this angle didn't get more play.
9. Tooth Fairy - The Rock, Ashley Judd, Julie Andrews
Children's movies are going to make a few appearances on this list so I guess you could look at this as "the best, worst children's movie of the year." The Rock is a self-absorbed hockey player who becomes the Tooth Fairy through a series of "Santa Claus"-esque events. I have yet to enjoy a single movie The Rock has been a part of and tired plotlines like this don't make me want to put that prejudice aside. Add in a cringe-inducing trailer and you've got a recipe for disaster. At least Disney was smart enough to release this in January when it could make a little money.
8. The Back-up Plan - Jennifer Lopez, Alex O'Loughlin
I'm CERTAIN that had I seen this blergfest, it would have rivaled the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Just read the IMDB plot summary: "A romantic comedy centering on a woman who conceives twins through artificial insemination, only to meet the man of her dreams the very same day." Here's my question: how long until "The Back-up Plan" is being used as psychological torture in holding facilities across the world? An even better question: has Jennifer Lopez EVER been in a good movie? "Out of Sight" has a solid reputation and "Selena" is decent enough for what it is. Everything else? Crap.
7. Furry Vengeance - Brendan Fraser, Brooke Shields, Matt Prokop
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the greenest human in the world. Still, I'm all for curbing global warming, conserving our planet, etc. Green ideas have been prevalent in kid's movies for a long time but perhaps never so blatantly (and moronically) than in "Furry Vengeance." The gist of the plot involves Fraser being an all around douche bag to everyone and everything and Mother Nature taking out a slapstick revenge upon him. Even extreme liberal film followers distanced themselves from this pile of junk and despite a modest budget, it failed to recoup even half of its expenses. Just go away, Brendan Fraser.
6. Vampires Suck - Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Ken Jeong
If the vampire phenomenon wasn't bad enough (I'm talking to you, "Twilight" fans) now we have to suffer a spoof on shiny vampires? Really?! I mean, of course I'm not surprised. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have made a TON of money with their witless, brainless, pointless parodies like the "Scary Movie" franchise, "Date Movie," and "Meet the Spartans." But still, when is enough enough? Can we start some sort of petition or start sending threatening letters to these clowns or something? Please stop.
5. Killers - Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck
A woman (Heigl) meets and marries a mysterious man (Kutcher) who turns out to be a spy. Shenanigans ensue. This is the only film on this list which wasn't immediately tossed out of viewing consideration the minute I saw the trailer. For a very short period of time I went back and forth over whether this really was going to be terrible or if my own unquestionable hatred for Katherine Heigl was swaying my opinion. And then the reviews came rolling in and wow, what a Crapalooza this thing must be. Entertainment Weekly (not exactly known for taking much of a stand) dedicated a full page to the many reasons why they hated Heigl's character so much. Best EW article of the year, by the way. And I'm a little upset that this movie managed to smear its stink on the otherwise awesome Tom Selleck.
4. Marmaduke - Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, Lee Pace
When did I know that "Marmaduke" was going to suck, you ask? When, approximately two weeks before its June 4th debut (coincidentally the same week as "Killers"), I looked at the movies coming to a theater near me in June and for the very first time saw ANYTHING concerning "Marmaduke." Look, it's possible that in all the prep work I do over the course of a year to stay in touch with coming attractions, I missed notes about this movie. That very rarely happens but it's possible. What isn't possible, however, is for me to miss any and all promotion of a summer movie. If a studio cares about a movie, anyone with cable, Internet, a car, or a pulse sees promos, billboards, etc. whether they want to or not. I swear I didn't see a single "Marmaduke" advertisement until a week before its debut. That's a terrible sign. My friend at Marshall and the Movies picked this as the worst film of the year. Again, I don't doubt it.
3. Alpha and Omega - Justin Long, Hayden Panettiere, Dennis Hopper
The last kid's movie to make the list, "Alpha and Omega" centers around two wolves who are relocated to a national park to...are you ready for this?...repopulate the area with little baby wolves. If your reaction to this synopsis was anything less than, "Wait, what now?" to the combination of "kid's movie" and "repopulate" then either you helped make this movie or we need to have a serious talk about what's socially appropriate. If that insane plotline wasn't reason enough to stay away from this thing, the trailer, which I was inundated with over and over no matter what movie I was waiting to see, is one of the worst in recent memory. I love animated features and kid's movies in general. I really do. But I come from the Pixar school of thought which insists that, just because we're making a kid's movie doesn't mean we can't strive for greatness. This doesn't cut it.
2. The Bounty Hunter - Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudekis
Someday when our society is overrun by anarchists, I believe their leader may cite this movie as the final straw that broke the camel's back and forced him into a life of rebellion. And it's not just that it was obviously a brutally bad film but also the fact that somehow it managed to make $60 million in the US. I feel like every person who saw "The Bounty Hunter" should have to come before some sort of tribunal to defend their actions. (I'm talking to you, wives and girlfriends who maliciously dragged your well-intentioned other halves to see this train wreck.) And by the way, Gerard Butler, you have officially cashed in all the Awesome Manly Man chips you earned with "300" on the following films: "P.S. I Love You," "The Ugly Truth," and this heap of rubbish. You're done now.
1. Sex and the City 2 - Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon
Here are the three best/worst things about "Sex and the City 2."
1. Despite the fact that our country is going through the worst economic crisis of the last 25+ years, the people at New Line/HBO thought it would be a great idea to release a film about 4 Manhattan socialites spending exorbitant amounts of money vacationing in Abu Dhabi. Way to keep up with the times, guys.
2. The runtime for this movie is a whopping 146 minutes. Two and half hours of old, disconnected women sitting around and complaining! Quite ambitious, isn't that?
3. When looking at the movie's IMDB page, I noticed it had won an award. Shocked, I clicked to discover it had been named "Best Ensemble Cast" by the ShoWest Awards. Obviously I had to check out the ShoWest festival where I discovered that the clearly brilliant minds at this establishment had also named Katherine Heigl "Female Star of the Year," Jay Roach "Comedy Director of the Decade," and given Jerry Bruckheimer a "Lifetime Achievement" award. Note to the people at ShoWest: I will pay you to not invite me to your convention. Just bill me.
Movie News Today
Movieline delivers the most shocking deaths in TV sitcom history. Lots of spoilers if you really care about a TV show that went off the air a decade ago but you still haven't caught up with yet.
I, along with every other fan of these stories, have no idea how Frodo Baggins will tie into "The Hobbit." But Elijah Wood has confirmed he will reprise his role in the highly anticipated screen adaptation of the beloved novel. I'm guessing he'll play a part in the second film, which Jackson is sort of making up on his own.
Not sure what to think about this one but Scott Derrickson ("The Exorcism of Emily Rose") has signed on to direct "Goliath," a "300"-esque take on the Biblical story of David and Goliath. Hmm.
Trent Reznor will provide the score for David Fincher's "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." After what Reznor did on "The Social Network," I'd just assume he provide the score for any movie. Imagine how great "Dumb and Dumber" would be with a tense, pulse-pounding, driving musical force behind it. Okay, maybe not.
Weekend Box Office Returns or "Why January is the Worst Movie Month of the Year"
1. "True Grit" - $15 million ($110.43 million total)
2. "Little Fockers" - $13.78 ($123.98)
3. "Season of the Witch" - $10.73
4. "Tron Legacy" - $9.8 ($147.93)
5. "Black Swan" - $8.35 ($61.46)
6. "Country Strong" - $7.3 ($7.44)
7. "The Fighter" - $7 ($57.84)
8. "The King's Speech" - $6.81 ($33.29)
9. "Yogi Bear" - $6.81 ($75.61)
10. "Tangled" - $5.2 ($175.87)
I, along with every other fan of these stories, have no idea how Frodo Baggins will tie into "The Hobbit." But Elijah Wood has confirmed he will reprise his role in the highly anticipated screen adaptation of the beloved novel. I'm guessing he'll play a part in the second film, which Jackson is sort of making up on his own.
Not sure what to think about this one but Scott Derrickson ("The Exorcism of Emily Rose") has signed on to direct "Goliath," a "300"-esque take on the Biblical story of David and Goliath. Hmm.
Trent Reznor will provide the score for David Fincher's "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." After what Reznor did on "The Social Network," I'd just assume he provide the score for any movie. Imagine how great "Dumb and Dumber" would be with a tense, pulse-pounding, driving musical force behind it. Okay, maybe not.
Weekend Box Office Returns or "Why January is the Worst Movie Month of the Year"
1. "True Grit" - $15 million ($110.43 million total)
2. "Little Fockers" - $13.78 ($123.98)
3. "Season of the Witch" - $10.73
4. "Tron Legacy" - $9.8 ($147.93)
5. "Black Swan" - $8.35 ($61.46)
6. "Country Strong" - $7.3 ($7.44)
7. "The Fighter" - $7 ($57.84)
8. "The King's Speech" - $6.81 ($33.29)
9. "Yogi Bear" - $6.81 ($75.61)
10. "Tangled" - $5.2 ($175.87)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)









